For the first time in 10 years, we’re in Charleston for the holidays. Our return, for longer than usual, has us swimming somewhere between two cultural oceans.
Everyone asks: What’s it like to be back? Well, a lot has changed, actually. The following is a list of feelings that overwhelm, on being back home. There’s good and bad, but I’m not complaining—we’re blessed to have both experiences. Photo, Looking Both Ways: a wall mural by Jacques Cocteau in Menton, on the Cote d'Azur.
So here is my list of assorted emotions. Fellow expats, do you have more to add, about returning to your country?
I feel: connected. In the last week I’ve been called Sweetheart, Honey, Darlin’, and Baby, by anybody and everybody. EX: a guy showed up to fix the roof in the house where we’re staying, a total stranger. “It’ll just take a minute, Sugah,” he said. I do so love the south! We don’t bother with political correctness down here, Honey Pie.
I feel: frustrated. They don’t do round-abouts here, which are standard in European intersections. Traffic has gotten much worse and it’s all wait, wait, wait, endlessly, at traffic lights. Such a simple solution could keep that traffic moving! Photo: Betty waits in traffic (snapped at a French flea market).
I feel: sad. The culture of violence is omnipresent in the states. It’s everywhere: on TV, in the news, in movies, on people’s minds.
I feel: surprised. Kale. It was nowhere. Now it is everywhere.
I feel: nournished. The fruits and veggies, Lordy me, they've changed! So much of the produce is local, and the selection is incredible. The grocery stores are dazzling, as is the Charleston market. They've taken the French philosophy and run with it–the produce outshines anything I’ve seen in Europe, with the exception of the Bon Marché in Paris, for sheer variety and quality. Of course Charleston may be exceptionnel, it's a foodie mecca.
I feel: bombarded. The noise! It’s everywhere. Restaurants and bars are so noisy that conversation is nearly impossible. Loud, annoying music blasts from speakers in every restaurant, even in the dress shops. Am I getting old? Well yes. But this is SO the opposite of Europe that it’s just completely shocking.
I feel: nostalgic, for the fine French bistro. Even the food in casual restaurants here in Charleston is homegrown, homemade, lovingly presented. How I wish it were still so in the French brasseries. Good ones are getting harder to find.
I miss: Friends, our cat, quiet, civilized French dining, the peaceful life in the countryside and the gorgeous scenery. But I’m also glad to be in beautiful, fabulous, happening Charleston, with old friends all around. Photo: Coming back has induced lots of mixed emotions (these dolls-from-hell were spotted at a French flea market).
And one last thing: a very happy new year to all of you! I hope you too are surrounded by old friends, new adventures, and a great year to look forward to.
In the COMMENTS: More drinking songs! Rachel, I'd never heard the beautiful "Se Canta" before, but I listened to it here. Vagabonde has another one to teach us, the charming "Ah! Le Petit Vin Blanc" which you can check out here. And Colleen painted a wine barrel for charity, which you can see here at her blog. Frank, I can almost smell that French bread baking!
In the Fabulous French Gifts department: A Small Village in France is one of my favorite blogs, by artist/entrepreneurs Susan and Tom Vieth, who live in the Dordogne. They've put together a line of tea towels, with Tom's artwork, from several of the wine regions of France (two are pictured at the right). You can purchase them at their website.
One more book by our readers: Spanish resident Karen McCann wrote the charming book Dancing In The Fountain: How to Enjoy Living Abroad, and check out her blog: the holidays are just getting started, in Seville.
27 thoughts on “Reflections From the Middle of the Pond”
I loved this post. As an expat living in Seville and currently visiting my native California, I am neck deep in what Lynn describes as swimming between two cultural oceans. I miss the cafés of Europe but love the amazing quality and abundance of produce here in the San Francisco area (another foodie mecca). I am appalled by the violence and frenetic atmosphere of the culture, but charmed to hear familiar voices saying my name in the accents of home. Thanks for helping me put it all in perspective, Lynn!
I enjoyed reading this post, Lynn, and certainly understand how you’re feeling ! We returned from our stay in France to Pennsylvania, so didn’t have the sweet southern sayings, but otherwise, can relate to every word. Sadly, even after two years, I’m still annoyed with the noise level in restaurants, so that may be something that we’ll never get used to.
I think I’ll continue to look at life here with different eyes and that a little of my heart is now in both places.
Belinda Stuetelberg
It takes me awhile to remember that one can shop just about anytime of the day or night in the US! Unfortunately, I, too, do get into the habit of shopping so much more here than in France. I feel like I’m the Ugly American… so into commercialism. We spend the winter in San Diego and love seeing our friends here but, a few weeks before we leave again for France, I am usually very fatigued by all the noise and traffic and really ready to get back to our life in France I do treasure the peacefulness of our home in the countryside of Burgundy.
I haven’t been back since last April and won’t go again until this coming April, but after 13 years as an expat I find similar delights and nuisances whenever I return “home” to Boston. The fact is, though, it isn’t my home anymore, although I do miss the best parts, so I try to enjoy it as the visitor I’ve come to be. I probably miss the conveniences the most, as 24/7 availability is light years from life in rural France! But after so many years, I don’t really need it anymore. Enjoy your visit.
Everyone who has lived in Europe for a significant amount of time experiences a cultural shock upon re-entry. My husband and I spent the most part of 30 years abroad. We retired four years ago and I still wonder why we chose to settle in the U.S. We spend one month every year in either France, England or Italy. When I find myself at the airport on our way back “home” I feel a serious case of mélancolie coming on which will linger on for a few weeks. I forget who said that “Once you leave, you can never go home again.” I agree completely, home for me is not Europe, but I know that it is where I belong.
Good post. I am not an expat. But to echo some of your comments…the traffic is lousy everywhere. Milwaukee has a few roundabouts which I love too. The noise in restaurants is too much. I am getting old too. The fresh veggies and farm to table are everywhere in cities except the poor neighborhoods (think Chicago). NYC even has fresh markets albeit small ones. The violence is too much too. I refuse to watch some tv shows or go to movies that are violent. Having said that I do love the USA but would LOVE to live in France for awhile. I have to settle with visits. My next is 2 weeks in April. Can not wait. Thanks.
Reverse culture shock ! I can see how you have such mixed feelings. I ADORE Charleston and j’adore France each for their own wondefulness!
Welcome home!
I too enjoyed your observations Lynn. Just wanted to mention that my daughter recently started her very last semester at the College of Charleston and is feeling sad already. Your hometown is such a lovely and amazing city-how fortunate you are to experience life in both places!
Having a foot on both sides of the pond has its advantages but it seems when in one place you miss the other and vice versa. When in France it seems every meal ends with a political discussion of some sort and no one cares who is on what side….it is a discussion. This just doesn’t happen with Americans. As for traffic and the round abouts…I miss them. In fact, you were absolutely on target with the whole post.
Lynn, wonderful post & Thank YOU for mentioning that wine barrel that I painted. What a job that was but gratified with the outcome!
I would imagine not only the culture shock itself but all of the other things you mentioned. Noise in general drives me crazy & speaking of crazy, those dolls are freaky scary! Thank you again!
Dear Lynn,
Welcome back to Charleston. My husband and I have just retired to this area three months ago to get out of the New York area which we had lived in for 40 years. We love Charleston and we travel to France and Italy often. We also were a bit taken aback at how saturated Charleston has become in the last several years. And the violence culture in the US is extremely distressing.
As always, there are pros and cons of anywhere one chooses to live. That is why I believe travel is so important for ones soul and mind, for respite, for enlightenment and to truly appreciate what your “home” of the moment offers.
I am planning a 6 week long bicycle trip through France to celebrate my 60th birthday in the spring of 2015. Maybe I can ride on by your chateau and say a quick Bonjour!!
‘Coming Home’…there is definitely an art to it : ) The noise and the ‘big everything’ still grates, even though we’ve been back almost five years. I live an hour outside of Manhattan, surrounded by farms so loads of wonderful home grown produce here too. As an aside, my hubs is a Tennessee boy, and we have family in the south, including a daughter in SC…that friendliness and familiarity is not everywhere in the US, but I do love some Southern hospitality and need trips that way pretty often. Enjoy your stay in the US!
I too enjoyed your post Lynn. Just wanted to mention that my daughter recently started her last semester at the College of Charleston and is hoping (dreaming?) to remain in Charleston after she graduates. Your hometown is a lovely and amazing city; you are so fortunate to be able to experience life in both places!
Lynn,I very much enjoyed today’s post!(as always!)
But I especially felt our comraderie at our (same!) observations
between our lives here and those in Europe,even though it has been awhile since we lived there and then returned to the US.
Life here is so much more proficient(practical,perhaps?),yet it is that same slowness and joie de vivre that makes days in Europe so wonderful and appealing.
Bottom line,I think,is that we are blessed to be able to savor both,
and note the differences and similarities.
THANK YOU for reminding me of this!
Have been in Australia for 3 weeks now and the level of noise in restaurant is amazing.
Not even possible to have a conversation with your nearest neighbour.
Has it got something to do with the new world? Or a big country when you think everything is si far away you have to shout.
As for market…… Am just back from the Vic market in Melbourne to do a bit of shopping for dinner wit the Neumanns tomorrow and the abundance and variety and quality is unbeleivable
Lynn,
When I returned to the US after a year and a half in Chile, we moved to California from New England. It took me a while to get used to the Americanized Latin American pronunciations for places like San Rafael (San Rafelle), Vallejo (Vall-eh-o)and many others. And I missed vegetables that taste like vegetables that were available in Chile. Things have improved in that area since then. When I return from France, the hardest things are the roundabouts (I’m with you on that.), passing on the right (aaargh) and stubbornly sitting in the left lane, loud public cell phone conversations, local news (crime, crime, crime)and as been confirmed by many, noise! At least given the recent Target breach, perhaps we will soon have the less-easily cracked chip in our credit cards as are used in France in place of the easily violated magnetic strips!
I wish you a wonderful new year. I may even make my way to your neck of the woods in September to enjoy an espresso or glass of wine.
Chris
No, Lynn. Charleston is not exceptional as a foodie mecca. Here in Madison Wisconsin there is a farmers’ market somewhere every day of the week. The Saturday downtown market is the biggest in the US. We have local chacuterie, meats (including rabbit), honey, and nationally famous artisanal crackers. Our cheeses regularly win prizes in Europe. We just visited Ann Arbor where the “locavore” trend is going strong. Of course there’s the Bay Area where it all started and many other places in between.
I miss my Hyper U and all that is available there when I return to the States but I don’t miss trying to figure our what # flour to use in France….I think I have it and boom……my parmesan shortbread that I make over and over in the States are spreading all over the place…UGH!…..Agree with Christine above about passing on the right…so much safer in France on the auto route…they hardly ever do it.
The key is to take the best from both worlds – our cultural vision is never the same though after having lived abroad and we must put on our glasses to adjust our perspective!
Hi Lynn – so encouraging to read the reports from all over the country about our food. We live now in western NC and there are TONS of farmers’ markets. And I’ve been equally surprised about the kale.
We don’t eat out much ($) but we eat well and it’s QUIET. I agree about the noise.
We don’t watch TV, so I’m not fed a diet of visual violence. I’m blessed to have a husband who equally likes to read.
Thanks for starting this discussion!
Lynn,
Loved this insightful and thought provoking post! We too feel blessed beyond measure to have been in AZ spending time with family over the holidays and longer. As we prepare to return to France next month your words were particularly striking and poignant for me.
We will miss terribly my great nieces, so small and sweet. So full of life and joy. We have tried to live in the moment during our three months here…appreciating the enormous ease of driving on these wide city streets, shopping whenever we feel the urge, the warmth and sunshine of an Arizona winter. It feels easier to live here in some respects. Comfort and ease are not our primary objectives thankfully or we wouldn’t have made the move to France last year, bien sur.
I too often experience a degree of shock at the noise levels at restaurants, and from too many overheard cell conversations. We refuse to watch local news due to all of the dismal reports of crime. The continued tragic school shootings break my heart. I worked in the schools in the U.S. for so many years. I still consider it a higher risk occupation than some of the conflict and post conflict zone work I did as an aide worker abroad.
I do wish we could all take a more Zen like approach and slow things down a bit more in the States. Deeper discussions and really listening to friends and family without rushing comes to mind.
We look forward to reconnecting with friends in France. The cafe life. The gorgeous villages, towns and countryside. Living near the sea.
Thanks for the discussion. So enjoyed hearing from you and your readers on this subject. To a wonderful new year ahead for all!
Lynn,
I agree with you about what I would miss about the south, the “southern sweet talk,” for lack of a better term. Some people, Yankees, no doubt are offended by it, but I love it, especially the waitresses who call you darlin’ and sweetie. What’s to be offended about? One of my older lady friends used to call everyone, “Honey.” It’s the southern way.
I also agree, however, about the prevalence of violence and noise in the USA. I’ve never felt safer, more serene than when in Paris. One could NEVER say that about any American city. And the noisy restaurants! For me that is the worst. I wear hearing aids, so you can imagine how the noise magnified can be unbearable at times. I can’t hear the conversation of whomever I’m with because of all the other noise. Oddly one of Louisville’s French restaurants in trendy NULU is one of the worst offenders. La Coop has great food, most locally raised, grown, and a nice ambience, but one has to scream to be heard. Thanks for your article!
BTW I’ve not experienced the countryside of France; can’t wait to do so.
As an Army wife who’s spent most of the last fourteen years in Europe, I’m a bit anxious about where to settle in The Colonies once my husband’s military career ends – and for all the reasons listed above. My husband’s from Boston, I’m from NC, but he’s had 17 moves in 25 years and I’ve been along for 13 of those. Our hearts are back home with our families, but our souls will always be here in Europe. Split indeed, but needless to say, “home” is where we are together.
Lovely comment …so true.
Lynn,
Having just been back in the States for the month of January I will second all of your observations. I often feel like I have come from another planet when I am there – and when I am here.
I constantly pinch myself that I have the great luck to experience so much of both cultures.
Burlington, Vermont has been a great food mecca for years and years as well. One of the only places that I felt challenged our diversity and quality of foods when we lived there – was – Charleston!
Here’s to enjoying all the craziness of both worlds! Happy New year,Susan V
I have been an expat for 32 years. I went from England to America for 24 years and then 8 years ago we retired to France. I think loud speech is the curse of speaking English. We were recently in Nice a much livelier town than the small village in which we live, so expected it to be noisier, all the people on cell phones who were speaking loudly were speaking English. Not all of them were native English speakers. So I have concluded, very unscientifically, that it is the language that makes us loud. My Grandson is bilingual and speaks English much louder than he speaks French. As do all his bilingual friends.
Not an expat and never been to France…but I did visit Charleston last year for my daughter’s bachelorette weekend. The market there is the most amazing that I’ve seen. I wanted to go buy a cooler just to transport stuff back to Atlanta. Lucky you, to have the best of both worlds.